What are you looking for in a relationship partner
Dating can be completely frustrating to begin with, but it's even harder when you don't know what you're looking for. Worse is when you have the slightest idea of what you want, but you feel too guilty asking for it. In a recent Bustle survey, almost 20 percent of participants who said they're single and dating said their biggest dating goal is to figure out exactly what it is they're looking for in a partner — but that's often easier said than done. And, if you're naturally not assertive, it's difficult to suddenly start demanding your needs overnight. Irwin tells Bustle.
What Should I Look for in a Partner?
Dating can be completely frustrating to begin with, but it's even harder when you don't know what you're looking for. Worse is when you have the slightest idea of what you want, but you feel too guilty asking for it. In a recent Bustle survey, almost 20 percent of participants who said they're single and dating said their biggest dating goal is to figure out exactly what it is they're looking for in a partner — but that's often easier said than done.
And, if you're naturally not assertive, it's difficult to suddenly start demanding your needs overnight. Irwin tells Bustle. When men are perceived as too pushy or demanding, they are called names like arrogant or 'a-hole' but women are called much more demeaning names. How many times have you been told to give someone who you knew was wrong for you another chance? Or that you were being too picky? If you've ever continued to date someone you were on the fence about, in hopes you'd eventually come around to liking them because they're someone you "should" be with, there's a good reason why.
There is no need to feel guilty when you are personally clear about the kind of person with whom you are looking to connect. So, in order to get past these hurdles and find clarity in exactly what you're looking for, here are 17 ways to figure out what your exact needs in dating are, according to experts. As psychotherapist Alison Pelz tells Bustle, women who ask for what they want are often labeled as abrasive in our culture.
But holding back can be detrimental to your dating life. And why? What do I like to spend my time and energy on? Does this partner or date respect how I like to spend my time and energy? How do I handle conflict? If you avoid conflict, get some help with this from a therapist in order to get good at setting boundaries and asking what you need in a relationship. Once you learn how you handle conflict, looking for a partner that is good at navigating conflict is key.
While we often look at bad dates as material for funny stories to tell friends over brunch, there's actually another bright side — they can reveal exactly what we don't want in a partner.
But after experiencing a few of them, you'll learn to recognize traits and behaviors that you're not interested in — making them a lot easier to spot and avoid in the future.
If you're ever unsure whether someone's a good match for you or not, think about these two questions. Do I feel better about myself when I am with this person?
The first question deals with the practicality of the relationship," psychotherapist Arlene B. Here's another important question to ask yourself. She says it eliminates the focus on factors that really aren't important to a relationship, like someone's height or profession. What [are they] doing? How [do they] respond when I do things? Where are we going?
What are we talking about? How does [this person] look at me? If you're feeling appreciated, valued, respected, stimulated, interested in [them] and other desirable traits, you're with someone you're looking for who is also looking for you," Sedacca says. Relationship coach and expert, Jenna Ponaman , agrees. Once you have done that, ask yourself: what are the things that I do to accomplish this feeling? What kind of person would I want to attract that would generate this feeling within me?
Whether it's jotting down the details of a date or taking notes about the traits you value in a partner, experts say journaling can be key in the process of determining what you want. Over time, your journal will become a fascinating blueprint that may reveal exactly what you're looking for.
Self-care coach Carley Schweet says journaling also comes in handy when figuring out your values and dealbreakers. I've found it's best to do this exercise in a calm and relaxed state of mind.
From there, you might begin to see a pattern or two emerge within your answers. Then, take some words that come to mind when looking at your thoughts and create a 'non-negotiable' list, one that you can reference when starting to date someone new.
Revisit and adjust as you continue to grow. If you're struggling to think of what qualities are important to you or who you'd be compatible with, try an online quiz to kick things off. Several experts say that identifying your values — the core things that are most important to you — is the perfect place to start figuring out what you need in a relationship.
EdS, tells Bustle. Family, spirituality, or a healthy lifestyle perhaps? Look for someone with similar values and interests. There is no amount of work or communication that can overcome being with someone who simply does not want what you want.
If you or your [partner] has to 'change' your core being in order to make a relationship 'work,' you're probably with the wrong person!
Most people want to be loved and appreciated for who they are. There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want, or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them as is or move on. The choice is up to us. One way to start identifying your values is by thinking about your lifestyle.
Do you enjoy dinner with your family at least once a week? When you are meeting people, see if they value the same things that you do. Struggling to figure out your core values? Try the reverse to guide you: what do you not want in a partner? If you're dating an individual and you see items on your NO NO list appear, then you know that it's time to check out.
That is, these cannot be negotiated because they speak to your values. Sexologist and coach Noelle Cordeaux echoes the idea of coming up with a non-negotiables list — and this time taking into account your values. Think about how [you] want to live and what [you] want to do with [your] time. It is way too easy to lose sight of your own goals and adapt to the needs of one's partner. She suggests starting off with these questions: "What level of financial health is important to you in a partner?
Do you want kids? Do you like to be social? How about travel? How important if at all is religion to you? How important is it to you to have a prospective partner be connected to your family? Or you to [theirs]? Are you looking for for marriage? Are you dating with the expectation of exclusivity? It is super important to get answers to these kinds of questions up front and stick to your guns," Cordeaux says. Just like you'd talk to someone who has the career you want to pick their brain, it may be helpful to talk to someone who has a healthy relationship you admire.
To get a clear picture of your dating goals, Ponaman suggests making a vision board. You've probably heard mixed messages about having lists when dating — some people may tell you to write down everything you're looking for, while others say throw out your list entirely.
But relationship expert Elayen Fluker has an idea for a different kind of list she says she's even practiced personally. Two sides, single spaced if you have to! Then take a long look at your list and ask yourself how many qualities you embody on that list. Do you have expectations for your partner to meet standards you don't even meet yourself? If so, become your list, and you will have a better chance of attracting someone on the same wavelength.
As celebrity dating coach Laurel House says, it's crucial to make sure your feelings match your words and actions. Strip all of that off, strip down naked to your core — to your confidently vulnerable needs.
Drop your shoulders," House says. Stop thinking. Stop trying. Stop doing. Just… be. Be present in this moment. And think, but more than think feel the question: what do I need? Once you know what you need, then have integrity to your needs.
Because once you have integrity, once you stand for something, once you assert your needs Once you have a purpose, and you act on your purpose, then your needs will be met and you will be showing your worth. As licensed therapist Julie Williamson says, women often feel guilty asking for what they want because at some level they feel they are not fulfilling the caretaker role society has given them. But there's a way to move past that. Then, look at the opposite of each of those characteristics," Williamson says.
If that sounds familiar and you have trouble being assertive, Singh says to try the friend support method. This question invokes empathy, clarity, and strength in people, and they can come up with a very clear answer on how they would support their friend," Singh says.
Whether you're looking for a relationship or are already in one, make sure you and your partner agree on what makes a relationship healthy. It's not always easy. I want to have a relationship in which I will be able to be completely honest with my partner even when we don't agree on some things and to honestly say what I.
Half of your motivation might be satisfying your curiosity. Your match might seem interesting, but it's OK to want to expand on that potential a little bit. Are they as quippy as their dating profile? Are they really that cool?
We all know you shouldn't just throw yourself willy-nilly into the first relationship that comes down the pike. But what are the things you should look for in a relationship , specifically?
Nice eyes? A great smile?
17 important qualities to look for in your life partner
I recently left a relationship that I was not happy in. Although my ex was definitely an unconditional lover, it painfully bothered me that the man I loved was not taking care of his responsibilities. So, I was faced with the crucial, inevitable decision of calling it quits. I cried the first few nights, but every night after was a learning experience. I realized that no matter how much he loved me, I needed more from the relationship than he could give.
13 Things to Look for In a Healthy Relationship
Do you think of an intense romance complete with dramatic gestures, like this one? After all, we often see romantic love portrayed in unrealistic or confusing ways. In real life, good relationships with strong foundations generally share many basic features. While you may not have thought about these qualities before, you might recognize that couples you admire live and breathe them! Can you talk to each other about tough issues and share your real feelings? If one of you does a great job on something or gets good news, does your partner share in your excitement? If one of you asks the other not to do something, or if someone is unavailable, does your partner respect that? When someone chooses to hang out with friends or be with family, is the other partner supportive? Do the two of you spend quality time with one another having fun in light-hearted ways?
Common attributes that come to mind include intelligence, kindness, sense of humor, attractiveness, or reliability. We may think we are looking for a partner who complements us only in positive ways, but on an unconscious level, we are frequently drawn to people who complement us in negative ways as well.
I just look for someone I connect with and hope that we are both on the same page. So how do I answer the question in a way that helps me filter out the jerks and time wasters whilst still keeping my options open? So, what if you used this question as a way to fantasize about the kind of person you are attracted to and compatible with rather than to define the kind of relationship you want esp. You are physically and verbally demonstrative.
Are You Sure About What You Are Looking for in a Relationship?
No two relationships are the same. Neither is what two people are looking for in a relationship. Sometimes what we think we want ends up being the very thing that is the worst for us. Opposites attract, but that means nothing about their ability to stay together happily ever after. If you think you know what you want in a relationship, you should think about what your preconceived notions of a happy relationship are. What are you looking for in a relationship really? Before you start looking for your ideal mate, ask yourself some specific questions about what makes you happy and what you expect in a relationship. These are the 22 best questions to ask yourself to determine what it is you really want in a relationship. How close do you think two people should be in a relationship? Do they share everything or only those things that they need to? If you are someone who wants to be involved in every aspect and your partner is not, it can leave you feeling lonely, as if the other person is being secretive.
20 Questions To Ask Your Match About What They’re Looking For In A Partner
Choosing a life partner is the most important decision you will ever make — far more crucial than choosing a job, house or group of friends. The course of love never did run smoothly, and neither did the course of quitting your job, moving house, having children or dealing with tragedy. The right person will put their cards on the table, even if it means risking getting hurt. Life is hard enough without worrying about whether someone is going to show up or call when they say they will — a reliable, solid partner will never leave you wondering where you stand. Even though mundane things like shopping at Ikea can be tortuous and insipid, having the right partner to go with can transform the most dull of tasks into an afternoon of laughter and new private jokes to laugh about. Never forget that your family have your back more than anyone else, so they can sniff out a bad partner from a mile away. If they approve of yours, everything in your life should be ten times easier. Of course, seeing friends and family is really important, but spending alone time together is vital too. But knowing how to come back from them and make up with each other is just as important as trying not to get into them in the first place. Similarly, you need to know what really happened on that stag do.
