Find your partner
By Anjula Mutanda, author of How to do Relationships. A lot people think of compatibility as something fixed and formulaic, often basing it on stuff like having similar personalities or hobbies and interests in common. Compatibility is enriched by how much time you spend together, how much you're both willing to give and take and by your willingness to work together as a team. Of course, it does help if you start off with certain things in common, but this is much more likely to be stuff like your values, beliefs and ideas - things that matter deep down. And even then, any relationship requires constant nuturing to maintain a strong connection.
How to Pick Your Life Partner – Part 1
Common attributes that come to mind include intelligence, kindness, sense of humor, attractiveness, or reliability. We may think we are looking for a partner who complements us only in positive ways, but on an unconscious level, we are frequently drawn to people who complement us in negative ways as well. What this means is that we tend to pick partners who fit in with our existing emotional baggage. We are inclined to replay events and dynamics that hurt us in the past in our adult relationships.
Were they too controlling? Did they make you feel a way you felt in your past? Did the situation mirror a dynamic from your childhood? No person is perfect, of course, but here are eight key qualities to look for in a partner:. Every person comes equipped with flaws and emotional baggage. Seeking perfection is an idle search. Instead, what you should look for in a partner is emotional maturity. This means someone who is willing to think and learn about themselves, who is open to reflecting on the past and evolving in the present.
This certain someone should be non-reactive, in the sense that they think before they act. Along with emotional maturity, one of the things to look for in a partner is an openness to feedback. Not only should your partner be interested in changing his or her own self-limiting behaviors, but he or she should be open to hearing what you have to say. Open and honest communication is vital to sustaining a close relationship.
When a couple is willing to openly communicate about themselves and their feelings and reactions to each other, they avoid building a case and creating tensions that later tear them apart.
By being resilient and hearing each other out, they construct a solid foundation for a workable relationship that is sure to evolve over time. While deception is generally frowned upon, lying is sadly common in many relationships.
Some couples believe they need lies to survive, yet research shows that lying less is linked to better relationships. Being able to trust is so important when choosing a life partner. Look for someone whose actions meet their words and someone who is open about how they feel. Someone who hides aspects of themselves can leave you feeling insecure and mistrusting. One of the most valuable qualities to look for in a partner is respect.
When you find someone who encourages you to be yourself, you can feel secure in your relationship, yet independent within yourself. This attuned way of relating is both sensitive and respectful of who you are as an individual, separate from your partner.
When someone appreciates you and takes an interest in the things you are passionate about, you can really share life with this person, while continuing to pursue your unique interests. People often make the mistake of thinking that a relationship is a way for two people to become one.
Attempting to merge your identity with someone else is not only bad for you, but bad for the relationship. When couples fall into routine and forego their independent attraction to each other, things tend to go south. By maintaining your individuality: enjoying separate interests along with interests you share with your partner, keeping your outside friendships and always trying new things, you keep romance and attraction alive. In addition to being a good communicator, you should look for a partner who is empathetic.
When you have a partner who aims to understand and feel for what you experience, you are able to be more vulnerable and reveal more aspects of yourself. Compassion is one of the most important human traits, and you should strive to find a partner who can easily feel for other people. Physical affection is an important part of life.
It is a way people stay connected and close to those they love. Keeping your relationship vital and intimate is part of making love last.
Keeping your feelings alive means expressing them verbally and physically. Laughter is the best medicine when it comes to most things, but especially relationships. Someone who is happy to just hang out, have fun and laugh with you is someone worth sticking with. Being easy-going and willing to laugh at yourself are highly beneficial characteristics to look for in a partner.
A person who is lighthearted can be well worth getting serious with. We may be drawn to more specific traits like creativity or work ethic, green thumbs or blue eyes. Yet, choosing people who strive to live by the qualities listed above will help ensure our best chance at happiness in our relationship. You know, this list is a perfect filter or checklist with dating. I am my own victim of fantasy bonds. If I follow this advice things will certainly improve. I believe and know that I am a good women, I respect a man and myself too.
I was married, now engaged and I believe this one is not for me. We tend to take relationships for granted, I think its about time for one to rethink and just not go into a relationship for the sake. At first the person will be promising, I am referring to little things. All I ever wanted was a good relationship with God being the centre, as I believe everything that we get to wish for will follow.
God is important in a relationship, all the best to everyone. Now days, you can easily find the good women using dating sites. Before marriage, dating with her is good option to know about her.
So now, dating website plays very important role in find good life partner. Look up codependency…. Celebrate Recovery meetings helped me tremendously. Your email address will not be published. What to Look For in a Partner. About the Author. Help support our effort to bring psychological information to the public by making a donation.
Related Articles. Reply take time to know her it wont be difficult to find a right woman Reply. Reply Good one Reply. Celebrate Recovery meetings helped me tremendously Reply. Hello… How can I find Mr. Reply Hi, how can I find my Mr. The secret of success is to stick to your own goals and beliefs Reply.
Nice Reply. Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. August 21, Divorce has been on my mind lately. Two couples very dear to me are contemplating it. I got a divorce…. Summer vacations are too often talked about as fleeting episodes of bliss, short-term fairy tales set against tropical beaches and…. Scientists who study forgiveness have long agreed that it is one of the most important contributors to a healthy relationship.
Start Your Search for Love with a Find a new partner online. Stay in Find people with similar interests within Twinting and get connect all around the world. Your partner is not a mind reader, so tell them how you feel. When you both feel comfortable expressing your needs, fears, and desires, the bond.
Common attributes that come to mind include intelligence, kindness, sense of humor, attractiveness, or reliability. We may think we are looking for a partner who complements us only in positive ways, but on an unconscious level, we are frequently drawn to people who complement us in negative ways as well. What this means is that we tend to pick partners who fit in with our existing emotional baggage. We are inclined to replay events and dynamics that hurt us in the past in our adult relationships.
Whether or not you will share this day with someone, you probably thought about how your ideal partner and relationship should look like.
Tired of Tinder? Here's how to find the yin to your yang, as advised by Susan Quilliam of Welldoing. Up until very recently, choosing a partner was a one-off event.
6 Ways to Find The Right Partner
And at first glance, research seems to back this up, suggesting that married people are on average happier than single people and much happier than divorced people. Dissatisfied single people should actually consider themselves in a neutral, fairly hopeful position, compared to what their situation could be. All the research on how vastly happiness varies between happy and unhappy marriages makes perfect sense, of course. Well, start by subtracting your age from So given that this is by far the most important thing in life to get right, how is it possible that so many good, smart, otherwise-logical people end up choosing a life partnership that leaves them dissatisfied and unhappy?
What to do if you find your partner on a dating app
There are a myriad number of ways to go about finding a partner these days. Work, church, dating sites and recreational activity groups are great places to start. But, you have to know what you are looking for and what to avoid. If you have had a few relationships in the past, you can start by looking at why those relationships failed and whether you tend to fall for the same type of person that ultimately never works out. Are you making the same mistakes over and over again? Take a hard look at who you are choosing and why, then do something different. Einstein said that doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result is the definition of insanity, and you might be doing the same thing in your relationships. The best partner for a fulfilling relationship is one who is warm, cooperative and emotionally stable. This might seem a little boring at first, but consider car crashes for a second.
Most dating apps will keep your profile in their system even if you delete the app itself, so this could very well be the case.
Finding the right partner or spouse is not like finding the right person to help you survive a lonely summer -- it means finding a person that you can see yourself growing old with and loving thirty, forty, or fifty or more years down the line. Choosing the person you want to marry or commit to forever is serious business, and it demands a lot of forethought, responsibility, and honesty.
How to Find Your Partner and Grow Your Relationship
Finding someone to date is challenging enough. Finding a person you can be happy with for the rest of your life can feel impossible. Take your time, spend time with your friends, and take care of yourself. Date, but date calmly. Commit, but commit carefully. Love can't be rushed. If you're struggling to find a life partner, try attending social events with your friends, because you're most likely to meet a partner through mutual acquaintances. You can also try setting up a profile on a dating site, which is a great option if you're shy in social settings. When you feel it's time to ask someone out, ask the question directly to avoid any misunderstanding, like by saying, "Would you like to have dinner sometime? For tips from our reviewer on how to let your partner know how you feel about them, keep reading!
Quiz: Are you and your partner compatible?
Often when people want a new relationship, they either look for someone to complete them or they imagine sharing their life with someone just like them. So they try to present themselves in the best possible light for their imagined future partner—either as one perfect half of a whole or as an ideal version of what they believe their future partner will want. In my experience, finding your soul mate requires a different, far more soul-enriching approach. Here are six steps that worked for me:. I decided to turn my attention inward—to get to know and accept myself , to heal past wounds, and to explore and develop new parts of myself. Previously, I needed to be with someone in order to feel content, to have someone love me in order to feel loved. Breaking up with past boyfriends was so painful because it felt as if I was breaking up, as if I was being torn from a part of myself. What I discovered was that I had to learn to be whole.
