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Greg Allen. Genie Milgrom, pictured in , stands in the entryway of her Miami home wrapped in a long family tree, filled with the names of 22 generations of grandmothers. Raised Catholic, Milgrom traced her family's hidden Jewish roots with the help of a trove of ancient family recipes written down by the women of her family over generations. With the holidays approaching, it's the time of year for families to come together and share their traditions.
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It was a Sunday morning, the third or fourth time I slept over. I woke up to the feeling of his hands running through my hair, like a novice hairdresser procrastinating making the first cut. I opened my eyes and saw the numbers on the digital clock blinking I closed my eyes.
His hands combed urgently through my hair. His breath quickened. I felt his heart slamming, timpani-like, against my shoulder blade. Suddenly fully awake, I braced for a bombshell. No more dating non-Jews. Time to literally kiss non-Jews goodbye. But I was wrong, wrong by a mile of foreskins. The scourge of interfaith marriage is a topic many Jews are surprisingly wild for, given its capacity to pull down close relationships brick-by-brick.
But some Jews do want to date other Jews. But it is limiting. In my work covering dating for the Forward over the past two-and-a-half years, I have met hundreds and hundreds of people who are trying to find love with another Jewish person. I only dated The Non-Jew for a short time, but thanks to the Jewish calendar it was still onerous.
I reenacted the Purim story, broke down the symbolism of the Seder plate, tried to reacquaint myself with the Omer. It could have been worse. I imagined the hundreds of questions he would have if he ever spotted a group of Jews moaning and huffing spices around a column of flame, or as it is known by some, Havdalah.
He was tall, but that can mean anything these days, what with access to animal proteins. He was polite, but politeness is a side effect of any number of ethnic and religious backgrounds.
He grew up on the Upper West Side, which might as well have thrown my Jewdar into a bucket of whitefish. He wore thick-frame eyeglasses, but those have become omnipresent in a way that precludes them any longer being a shibboleth for members of the tribe.
I tried to draw him out. I brought up Jewish TV shows — nothing. I name-dropped Jewish lifecycle events — nope. Finally I got him, on Passover. He had a crazed mid-Atlantic accent with a slight-lisp, like a Kennedy who was raised at a truck stop. This is where I have to disagree with him.
Spare me blond, bacon-colored men and their tedious brags about how much their ancestors flourished on the Mayflower, I say! Give me a man whose eyebrows you could jump in to hide from Hitler. This is it, I told myself. My last non-Jew, or at least the last person I date who only interacts with Judaism as a meme. My dad called me on a Friday afternoon. I had plans to go axe-throwing with a former Evangelical. This time I had been actively deluding myself. My evidence that this man was Jewish was that he had the first name of a Torah patriarch, and brown hair.
Case closed, I thought. He was certainly loitering around Sinai! Wrong again. As we trotted through Union Square on our second date, I tried interfaith dialogue. The power of good works! Loving and praising one god! Axe-throwing is where you go to a dungeon-like space and pay all of your money to throw rusty blades at a wall. It is bowling, for people who are so cynical about the American healthcare system that they want to demonstrate its uselessness.
I was paralyzed with anxiety. The non-Jew might as well have taken me golfing on top of an active volcano. Axe-throwing, I felt, demonstrated exactly why I needed to lie down in a JCC parking lot and wait for a man or the elements to take me. I was taught to treat my safety as a family heirloom that had been carried around Europe, across an ocean, and through depressions and wars.
I was taught that caution was a sacred value, a Jewish value. Flinging knives for sport felt like not quite in the spirit of that. Their dull blades thudded around me, and I screamed the scream of a woman who might want to learn piano some day. I am forgetting where I came from, I thought, as an instructor showed how to throw multiple axes at once. I never went out with that non-Jew again. I prick up my ears for stories about the tasting the blood of Christ, about the violent nuns, about a sense of great beauty, just out of reach.
That he stopped going to church, and stopped being a Christian. And I think about how it would feel to be able to just stop, just opt out. To let a part of yourself end.
How things would be different if Judaism was something that you could slip off like a dress. However you practice, whatever you believe, and whoever you marry, you will always have this special disaster — the world will not let you wrest from yourself this thing that you are. I look at the man. We have lots in common even though he dropped his religion like an Apple airpod and I could no more easily stop being Jewish than replace my blood with buttercream. She is now a staff writer at Glamour.
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By subscribing I accept the terms of use. The Jewish community is always lamenting the high intermarriage rates especially in the United States and Canada destroying the continuity of the Jewish religion, but there are deeper reasons why the rate continues to get higher. Enter the world of Jewish online dating for marriage, the last hope to find your Jewish soul mate, beshert or simply marry within the religion. The various websites include those that allow the single to meet individually other eligible singles. Others have personal matchmakers working to find you a potential match based on a set of criteria you provide.
He had some luck meeting women through Internet dating sites like AmericanSingles.
It was a Sunday morning, the third or fourth time I slept over. I woke up to the feeling of his hands running through my hair, like a novice hairdresser procrastinating making the first cut. I opened my eyes and saw the numbers on the digital clock blinking
The real reason for high Jewish intermarriage rates
Times have changed, and that is a good thing—especially the fading-away of cruel taboos that once stigmatized women who engaged in premarital sex or bore children out of wedlock. Thing is, times change for a reason. The values question assumes that sexual mores loosen naturally from conservative to liberal. In reality, these values have ebbed and flowed throughout history, often in conjunction with prevailing sex ratios. But the problem is a demographic one.
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Throughout Israel, young Jewish men are forming vigilante groups to end interracial relationships between Arab men and Jewish women, which are occurring with increased frequency as Jewish settlements dig deeper into Arab territory. The vigilantes say Arabs lure Jewish women with money and "bad boy" personalities. There is a new enemy for some Israelis: Romance between Jewish women and Arab men, and vigilantes have banded together to fight it.
Mormons and Jews: What 2 Religions Say About the Modern Dating Crisis
Interfaith marriage in Judaism also called mixed marriage or intermarriage was historically looked upon with very strong disfavour by Jewish leaders, and it remains a controversial issue among them today. In the Talmud and all of resulting Jewish law until the advent of new Jewish movements following the Jewish Enlightenment, the " Haskala ", marriage between a Jew and a gentile is both prohibited, and also void under Jewish law. The Talmud holds that a marriage between a Jew and a non Jew is both prohibited and also does not constitute a marriage under Jewish law. Christian rulers regarded unions between Jews and Christians unfavourably, and repeatedly prohibited them under penalty of death. Gradually, however, many countries removed these restrictions, and marriage between Jews and Christians and Muslims began to occur. In Moses of Coucy induced the Jews bespoused by such marriages to dissolve them. Traditional Judaism does not consider marriage between a Jew by birth and a convert as an intermarriage. A foundling — a person who was abandoned as a child without their parents being identified — was classified as a non-Jew, in relation to intermarriage, if they had been found in an area where at least one non-Jew lived even if there were hundreds of Jews in the area, and just one non-Jew ; [15] this drastically contrasts with the treatment by other areas of Jewish religion, in which a foundling was classified as Jewish if the majority of the people were Jewish in the area in which the foundling was found. The Talmud and later classical sources of Jewish law are clear that the institution of Jewish marriage, kiddushin , can only be affected between Jews. The more liberal Jewish movements—including Reform , Reconstructionist collectively organized in the World Union for Progressive Judaism —do not generally regard the historic corpus and process of Jewish law as intrinsically binding. Humanistic Judaism is a Jewish movement that offers a nontheistic alternative in contemporary Jewish life, and defines Judaism as the cultural and historical experience of the Jewish people. If the Jewish community is open, welcoming, embracing, and pluralistic, we will encourage more people to identify with the Jewish people rather than fewer.
The Jewish fear of intermarriage
Launy Schwartz knows what he wants: to see movies he likes, go for wings when he wants and continue teaching up-and-coming hockey goalies how to hone their craft. Schwartz, 41, officially renounced the world of dating in July, although his last serious relationship ended in December. Schwartz was an early adopter of online dating, having first used it around 15 years ago. He met his ex-wife on JDate. They got married when he was 30 and divorced when he was Since then, he has been in two relationships that lasted six months and some other, shorter ones. His recent decision to give up dating stems at least partially from his disillusionment with the patterns of modern romantic encounters — especially through websites and apps. And it ends up playing on the game of rejection. You feel dejected, and your self-worth, being attached to a relationship, especially within our culture, is really disheartening. Schwartz is one of a number of Jewish Canadians who are opting out, for one reason or another, of the traditional model of long-term relationships.
