What am i looking for in a relationship

Knowing exactly what you want out of a relationship is very difficult, especially if you're young or inexperienced. Even if you've dated many other people, every relationship is unique, and you might have different priorities now than you have had in the past. Finding out what you want in a relationship can be a laborious process, but it's worth it. Christina Jay, NLP.

What Should I Look for in a Partner?

Dating can be completely frustrating to begin with, but it's even harder when you don't know what you're looking for. Worse is when you have the slightest idea of what you want, but you feel too guilty asking for it. In a recent Bustle survey, almost 20 percent of participants who said they're single and dating said their biggest dating goal is to figure out exactly what it is they're looking for in a partner — but that's often easier said than done.

And, if you're naturally not assertive, it's difficult to suddenly start demanding your needs overnight. Irwin tells Bustle. When men are perceived as too pushy or demanding, they are called names like arrogant or 'a-hole' but women are called much more demeaning names. How many times have you been told to give someone who you knew was wrong for you another chance? Or that you were being too picky?

If you've ever continued to date someone you were on the fence about, in hopes you'd eventually come around to liking them because they're someone you "should" be with, there's a good reason why.

There is no need to feel guilty when you are personally clear about the kind of person with whom you are looking to connect. So, in order to get past these hurdles and find clarity in exactly what you're looking for, here are 17 ways to figure out what your exact needs in dating are, according to experts.

As psychotherapist Alison Pelz tells Bustle, women who ask for what they want are often labeled as abrasive in our culture. But holding back can be detrimental to your dating life. And why?

What do I like to spend my time and energy on? Does this partner or date respect how I like to spend my time and energy? How do I handle conflict? If you avoid conflict, get some help with this from a therapist in order to get good at setting boundaries and asking what you need in a relationship. Once you learn how you handle conflict, looking for a partner that is good at navigating conflict is key.

While we often look at bad dates as material for funny stories to tell friends over brunch, there's actually another bright side — they can reveal exactly what we don't want in a partner. But after experiencing a few of them, you'll learn to recognize traits and behaviors that you're not interested in — making them a lot easier to spot and avoid in the future.

If you're ever unsure whether someone's a good match for you or not, think about these two questions. Do I feel better about myself when I am with this person? The first question deals with the practicality of the relationship," psychotherapist Arlene B.

Here's another important question to ask yourself. She says it eliminates the focus on factors that really aren't important to a relationship, like someone's height or profession.

What [are they] doing? How [do they] respond when I do things? Where are we going? What are we talking about? How does [this person] look at me? If you're feeling appreciated, valued, respected, stimulated, interested in [them] and other desirable traits, you're with someone you're looking for who is also looking for you," Sedacca says.

Relationship coach and expert, Jenna Ponaman , agrees. Once you have done that, ask yourself: what are the things that I do to accomplish this feeling? What kind of person would I want to attract that would generate this feeling within me?

Whether it's jotting down the details of a date or taking notes about the traits you value in a partner, experts say journaling can be key in the process of determining what you want. Over time, your journal will become a fascinating blueprint that may reveal exactly what you're looking for.

Self-care coach Carley Schweet says journaling also comes in handy when figuring out your values and dealbreakers. I've found it's best to do this exercise in a calm and relaxed state of mind. From there, you might begin to see a pattern or two emerge within your answers. Then, take some words that come to mind when looking at your thoughts and create a 'non-negotiable' list, one that you can reference when starting to date someone new.

Revisit and adjust as you continue to grow. If you're struggling to think of what qualities are important to you or who you'd be compatible with, try an online quiz to kick things off. Several experts say that identifying your values — the core things that are most important to you — is the perfect place to start figuring out what you need in a relationship.

EdS, tells Bustle. Family, spirituality, or a healthy lifestyle perhaps? Look for someone with similar values and interests. There is no amount of work or communication that can overcome being with someone who simply does not want what you want.

If you or your [partner] has to 'change' your core being in order to make a relationship 'work,' you're probably with the wrong person! Most people want to be loved and appreciated for who they are.

There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want, or we learn to be happy with what we have.

Accept them as is or move on. The choice is up to us. One way to start identifying your values is by thinking about your lifestyle. Do you enjoy dinner with your family at least once a week? When you are meeting people, see if they value the same things that you do.

Struggling to figure out your core values? Try the reverse to guide you: what do you not want in a partner? If you're dating an individual and you see items on your NO NO list appear, then you know that it's time to check out.

That is, these cannot be negotiated because they speak to your values. Sexologist and coach Noelle Cordeaux echoes the idea of coming up with a non-negotiables list — and this time taking into account your values.

Think about how [you] want to live and what [you] want to do with [your] time. It is way too easy to lose sight of your own goals and adapt to the needs of one's partner. She suggests starting off with these questions: "What level of financial health is important to you in a partner? Do you want kids? Do you like to be social? How about travel? How important if at all is religion to you? How important is it to you to have a prospective partner be connected to your family?

Or you to [theirs]? Are you looking for for marriage? Are you dating with the expectation of exclusivity? It is super important to get answers to these kinds of questions up front and stick to your guns," Cordeaux says. Just like you'd talk to someone who has the career you want to pick their brain, it may be helpful to talk to someone who has a healthy relationship you admire.

To get a clear picture of your dating goals, Ponaman suggests making a vision board. You've probably heard mixed messages about having lists when dating — some people may tell you to write down everything you're looking for, while others say throw out your list entirely.

But relationship expert Elayen Fluker has an idea for a different kind of list she says she's even practiced personally. Two sides, single spaced if you have to! Then take a long look at your list and ask yourself how many qualities you embody on that list. Do you have expectations for your partner to meet standards you don't even meet yourself?

If so, become your list, and you will have a better chance of attracting someone on the same wavelength. As celebrity dating coach Laurel House says, it's crucial to make sure your feelings match your words and actions. Strip all of that off, strip down naked to your core — to your confidently vulnerable needs. Drop your shoulders," House says. Stop thinking.

Stop trying. Stop doing. Just… be. Be present in this moment. And think, but more than think feel the question: what do I need? Once you know what you need, then have integrity to your needs. Because once you have integrity, once you stand for something, once you assert your needs Once you have a purpose, and you act on your purpose, then your needs will be met and you will be showing your worth.

As licensed therapist Julie Williamson says, women often feel guilty asking for what they want because at some level they feel they are not fulfilling the caretaker role society has given them. But there's a way to move past that. Then, look at the opposite of each of those characteristics," Williamson says. If that sounds familiar and you have trouble being assertive, Singh says to try the friend support method.

This question invokes empathy, clarity, and strength in people, and they can come up with a very clear answer on how they would support their friend," Singh says.

What am I looking for in a relationship? Good question As someone who's been single all of her life, here are the 10 things Britney Vu looks for in a relationship. queeniesnailsandspa.co.nz › dating-basics › what-should-i-look-for-in-p.

Tina B. Psychotherapist Author, Dr. What do you want in a partner?

Do you think of an intense romance complete with dramatic gestures, like this one? After all, we often see romantic love portrayed in unrealistic or confusing ways.

Dating can be completely frustrating to begin with, but it's even harder when you don't know what you're looking for. Worse is when you have the slightest idea of what you want, but you feel too guilty asking for it.

13 Things to Look for In a Healthy Relationship

Are you single and looking for love? Are you finding it hard to meet the right person? Life as a single person offers many rewards, such as being free to pursue your own hobbies and interests, learning how to enjoy your own company, and appreciating the quiet moments of solitude. For many of us, our emotional baggage can make finding the right romantic partner a difficult journey. Perhaps you grew up in a household where there was no role model of a solid, healthy relationship and you doubt that such a thing even exists.

How To Figure Out What You Want In A Partner — And Feel Confident Asking For It

We all know you shouldn't just throw yourself willy-nilly into the first relationship that comes down the pike. But what are the things you should look for in a relationship , specifically? For better or worse, we often hear more about the things you shouldn't tolerate in a relationship. Heading up that list, of course, is any kind of physical or emotional abuse — it is never OK to put up with behavior like that, and if you're experiencing such a thing, it's always a good idea to reach out and get help. All of that said, though, it can be a bit of a head-scratcher to sit down and puzzle out the things you absolutely need in a relationship. Sure, it might be nice to date someone who loves romantic comedies as much as you do — but is that necessary? If you meet someone who loves them, maybe you'll feel like you hit the jackpot; but what if you meet someone who prefers horror movies, but has a really good sense of humor and kind eyes? In other words, what are the things you really should look for in a relationship , no matter what? Here are some possibilities, straight from the mouths of relationship experts.

Common attributes that come to mind include intelligence, kindness, sense of humor, attractiveness, or reliability. We may think we are looking for a partner who complements us only in positive ways, but on an unconscious level, we are frequently drawn to people who complement us in negative ways as well.

It gets pretty frustrating wasting my time with guys who are never really on the same page with me when it comes to what they want in a relationship. I actually want to be that girl beside you who helps you with the Saturday chores, surprises you with your favorite home-cooked meal and supports you even in the darkest hours. I want to make plans and start building the future with someone who sees me in theirs.

How to Figure out What You Want in a Relationship, According to Experts

Nice eyes? A great smile? A quirky sense of humor? Look for someone who:. Remember, that a relationship consists of two or more! You and your partner should have equal say and should never be afraid to express how you feel. Every relationship has arguments and disagreements sometimes — this is normal. How you choose to deal with your disagreements is what really counts. Both people should work to communicate effectively. Get in touch with us! Safety Alert: Computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear.

Dating Tips for Finding the Right Person

Barton Goldsmith. Ever wondered why nearly half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce? Every person is different and looks for different things really complicated, we know. And, remember, it is only a recommendation. BUT, when it comes to relationships, objectivity is underrated. Practicality is underrated. Cohesiveness is underrated. Some even put political views on this list…. Take the five things important to you and see how your date checks out.